I'm gonna do it.

So I was going to tell Chase that I might possibly like him this weekend. But I couldn't get the chance. And he's leaving on the 9th for school. So I figure if I can't tell him in person, I'll tell him on Facebook. Since I'm much more articulate on paper (or in this case, on screen). At any rate, this will give me an idea of what to say.

Chase,

I think I like you. I don't know. But I'm pretty sure I do. In all the time I've known you, I've never thought about you in that way. But ever since prom, all I can think about is the thought of kissing you. I've been thinking about this and over-analyzing this for months. I've looked at every possibility and I decided I don't care.

I like you.
I like talking to you.
I like hanging out with you.
I like just being around you.

I don't care if you don't feel the same way. I just hate having to hold in these kinds of feelings. So I really needed to tell you. If this is all sort of unrequited, no hard feelings. I'm a big girl. I'll get over it. Just say the word and we'll forget this happened. Move on, or what have you.

Dear Nick, Justin, Colleen, and Cynthia

I feel so amalgamated from you guys. Like...Well It's like eighth grade all over again. No one invited me to anything, I found out about everything after the fact. I had no real friends (except for maybe Jack and Lindy). This really does feel like part two. If it weren't for my other friends, my college friends, I probably would have just reverted back to my old ways. Black, darkness, lots of From First to Last and the Used. I was a total emo kid. I guess you guys wouldn't have known that entirely.

It's happening again.

Dear Jack

I find it really awkward hanging out with you. You and Izzy...It's weird for me. I love you guys. Separately.

Dear Chase (again)

I've figured it out...kind of.

It's undeniable that I...well...I sort of like you. In that way. Crazy. I know, right? Five years of knowing you and I just now start to get these feelings. But then again, I haven't ruled out that whole rebound thing. And I hope to God that isn't the case.

There are three things I can do about this:
1) I can do nothing.
2) I can just go for it and hope for the best.
3) I can flirt and hint and hope you get the picture.

And this juncture, I think it's best to go with the third option. But in case you find this, which you probably don't since this isn't really advertised, I figured I should spill my heart out right here, right now.

You're adorable. Delightfully awkward. And hilarious. And you make me smile. I didn't even smile much at my graduation! And seeing you stopped me from being sad. I'm friends with all these guys. And you're just standing out from everyone else.

For a while now, I've been thinking about you. I know, that sounds extremely creepy. But I have. I can't help but wonder whether I'm just being stupid and naive or if these feelings are 100% genuine. I can't help but wonder what could happen between us. Worst of all, I've been weighing the pros and cons of any possible future.

I'm confused, and nervous, and somehow happy. It's all got me feeling vulnerable. So please, Chase. If you ever see this, help me figure this stuff out,

Dear Chase

God I hope no one sees this. I really don't know who to tell...

Thanks for going to prom with me last night. Despite your inherent lack of dance skills, you were a really fun date.

And...I've been thinking about this since last night. And seeing as how I didn't sleep at all, that was a lot of thinking.

When you left, I really wanted to kiss you, then and there. I don't know why. I just did. But I stopped myself. I won't let you be my rebound. You deserve a lot more than that.

Dear Parents

My problem is, you always make me feel like shit.

Nicholas.

I know we haven't spoken in so long. It's quite regrettable we aren't friends like we thought we'd be. You were pretty cool in younger days. That said, we aren't friends. So why should I care about you? Well, Nick. We've been through a lot in our two-year run. And I must admit, I still care about what happens to you as a person. You're one of the guys from the original "Group." And I've known you for so long. It's not like I'm going to hope you have an absolutely horrid life. I'm over all the drama that went on so long ago. This is just me. Talking. To you.

I felt that this would be a better way to get this all out. I understand if you think this isn't my place. You have every right to think that. Just...listen.

I heard you were thinking about marriage. And while I think marriage is a joyous event and a landmark in anyone's life, you're too young. This is your nineteenth birthday. You just graduated high school last year. It's way too soon to be thinking about things like that. You might be big Navy man now but you're still young. Go to concerts. Get wasted. Try and start a band or something.

Marriage is a huge thing. I don't know how in love you and Caitlin are right now. But young love is a fickle thing. Maybe (I'm not saying this because I'm the ex) you need some time away from her? I'm not saying break up with her. I'm saying take a few days to be alone and think. About everything. What if this isn't the right choice? What if, in a few years, maybe even a few months, you realize you can't be with her? Do you really want to deal with a messy divorce when you're still in your early twenties?

Again, what right do I have to dictate your life? I don't have any. But I'm giving you my opinion. And I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way. Nick, I'm begging you to reconsider. Or at least wait. But don't rush to such a hasty decision. Not now, oh please not now. I know you. You have a lot more potential. Don't let a latent mistake define who you are.

PS-Why didn't you tell Kirsten right away? She's your sister. I know you two aren't as close as me and Kyle are but she is still your blood. And she has a right to know these things.